mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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