I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
