dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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