I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
