i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
