i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do you have feelings for this penis?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
