In America we eat man semen.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
MIDGETS
????
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
