just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
