you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
