she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
