Whod you bang
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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