is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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