is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
