Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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