I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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