i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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