Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
