i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
