is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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