It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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