tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
