Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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