...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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