if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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