She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
