Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize