there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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