are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
