Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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