I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
