Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
