i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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