After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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