well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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