I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
