Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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