I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I smell stomach acid.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
