I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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