There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
