No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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