I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
