Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my poor anus
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
