I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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