soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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