Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
