the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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