I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
