I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
