what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
