my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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