I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
