I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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