you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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