to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
