the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
