What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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