Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize