I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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