Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
