I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
