Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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