can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
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Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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