oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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