Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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