My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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