Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
