The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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