just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
high people should be assigned attendants
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
