just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
