you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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