I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
